The Raising Kids with Purpose Podcast

"Don't kick it in the middle!" Every parent on my son's 9- and 10-year-old soccer team yells it, and every single time, the ball goes right down the middle for the other team to kick in the goal. Then the coach changed his words, and they stopped getting scored on as much as they were. 
In this episode, I break down why your child's brain can't really process a "don't," why "don't" is every parent's go-to (it's not your fault!), and the simple flip that helps your kids actually hear you.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Why the brain has to picture the thing you don't want before it can cancel it
How stress takes the owl brain offline, so kids grab the last picture they heard
What counterwill is and why kids instinctively push back on a "don't"
Why "be nice" is too abstract, and how to tell kids what to do with their hands, face, and voice
Why pointing and naming specifics (like the soccer coach did) makes directions click
How to use the flip on yourself, and the 10-minute game night it gave my son and me
Your challenge this week: Catch yourself saying "don't" or "stop," and flip it into what you want to see. Then email me and tell me how it went!
Resources mentioned:
Setting Boundaries with Purpose Toolkit: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/setting-boundaries-toolkit/
Book a free parent support call: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
Email me: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Now go raise those kids with purpose!

How many times have you told your child to "say you're sorry," only to hear a quick "I'm sorry" and then watch them do the same thing an hour later? That's because "sorry" is just a word. What we actually want is the skill underneath it: empathy.
In this episode, I walk you through "Walk in Their Shoes," an activity I created for my PURPOSE Learning Program that went a little crazy on Instagram. It teaches kids empathy through play and experience instead of lectures, and you can try it at home this week.
In this episode, you'll learn:
What forced apologies actually teach kids, and why it isn't empathy
Why telling kids to "think about how they feel" often doesn't work
Why empathy is an advanced skill that has to be practiced, not just explained
The difference between feelings and emotions, and why a big emotional vocabulary matters
How to help kids connect emotions to what they feel in their bodies
Why repetition is the secret sauce of skill-building, and what an overgrown hiking trail has to do with your brain
Why empathy works both ways: kids learn to understand others by being understood
How to try the "Walk in Their Shoes" activity at home, step by step
Guided questions to ask while your child stands in the character's shoes:
What happened to the character?
What do you think they're thinking right now?
What do you think they're feeling right now?
Where is it in their body?
Try it at home this week:
Pick a character from a favorite book or show, or make one up.
Put a pair of shoes on the floor or trace footprints on paper.
Have your child step in "as" the character while you ask the guided questions.
Use a feelings wheel to help them name the emotion and where it shows up in the body.
Repeat with a new character every few days. Dress up as the character to make it extra fun!
Switch roles and step into your child's shoes.
Once it feels familiar, use it after a real conflict: "Do you want to step into your brother's shoes for a minute?"
Resources and links:
Learn more about the PURPOSE Learning Program: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Emotions Play Pack (Walk in Their Shoes lesson, feelings and emotions wheel, and worksheets): link coming soon
Watch the 3-part reel series on Instagram: Search "Helping a six-year-old girl understand empathy" at @raisingkidswithpurpose
Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett: https://link.amazon/B0gE3iumm *affiliate link
How We Feel app: howwefeel.org
Episodes on how kids learn through play: 
21: Why your kid keeps disoberyinig you and what works faster than timeouts - https://theparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/disobedientkid/ 
23: 5 Playful habits to build a stronger bond with your kids - https://theparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/playfulparentinghabits/ 
Email me: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Try this with your kids, then leave a review and tell me how it went! Every review helps another parent find this podcast when they need it most. And subscribe so you don't miss what's next.
Now go teach your kid some empathy!

WHY YELLING AT YOUR KIDS DOESN'T WORK SERIES (PART 3) | Stop Getting Trapped in Dysregulation
In the final episode of this 3-part series, Adriane tackles the question her own 14-year-old asked her point blank: "If yelling doesn't work, why do you do it?" This episode dives into:
Reason #7: how yelling traps both you and your child in a cycle of dysregulation
Reason #8: the toll it takes on your own health
Reason #9: the tools that actually work instead.
In this episode:
A real moment with Adriane's autistic 14-year-old calling her out after seeing the cover art for this series
A quick recap of reasons #1–6 from Parts 1 and 2
The cereal/milk-spill story: Why the exact same situation gets two completely different reactions depending on Adriane's own regulation in the moment
Reason #7: You and Your Child Can Get Trapped in Dysregulation
The amygdala hijack, explained simply — how a child's dysregulation can hijack a parent's nervous system, and vice versa
Co-dysregulation vs. co-regulation, and why the more dysregulated adult in the room usually sets the pace for how long a meltdown lasts
A real story from a trampoline park: two very different parent responses to a screaming child, and two very different outcomes
Reason #8: It Takes a Toll on Your Own Health and Well-Being
Why cortisol and adrenaline spikes from chronic yelling aren't just a "kid problem". Regulating yourself first isn't selfish; it's necessary
Reason #9: There Are Much Better Tools That Work
Why yelling isn't actually "keeping order" — it's a tool, and there are better ones
Why authority with compassion works better neurologically than force or fear
Practical tools you can use today: the pause + breathwork, using something cold (ice pack tool), and movement (baby jumps, swaying, kangaroo-style play) to help both you and your child return to regulation
The mirror neuron hand-holding exercise Adriane uses when speaking to groups of moms
A full recap of all 9 reasons why yelling doesn't work, from across the entire series
Resources & Links Mentioned:
Book a free Parent Support Discovery Callwww.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
Free resource — The Calm Mom Toolkit: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/e4x8o5
Catch up on the series:Part 1 — Episode 30: Why Yelling at Your Kids Doesn't Work (The Brain Science)https://theparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/yelling-at-kids-doesnt-work/Part 2 — Episode 31: Connection, Trust & Shamehttps://theparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/31-why-yelling-at-your-kids-doesn-t-work-series-pt-2-it-breaks-connection-and-trust-it-creates-shame/
Program mentioned:
P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program (6-month program, including the "Optimizing Emotional Regulation" module referenced in this episode)raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
If this series helped you, leave a quick review to help another overwhelmed parent find this podcast exactly when they need it. Thank you for listening to this whole series!

In Part 1, Adriane broke down the brain science behind why yelling backfires — and shared the story of the backyard scream that landed her with shingles. In this episode, she goes past the brain science into what yelling actually costs you: your connection, your child's trust, and — if left unaddressed — deep-rooted shame that can follow them into adulthood.
In this episode:
A quick recap of Part 1 and what's ahead in this 3-part series
Reason #4: It Breaks Connection and Trust — why kids are biologically wired to seek safety in their caregiver, and what happens to that attachment when the caregiver becomes a source of fear
The "rupture effect" on highly sensitive, neurodivergent, or high-need-for-autonomy kids
Why repair (not just an apology) is what rebuilds trust after a rupture
Reason #5: It Creates Shame Instead of Growth — the key distinction between guilt ("I did something wrong") and shame ("I am something wrong")
Why making kids responsible for your emotions ("you're making me so angry") teaches them to carry emotional responsibility that isn't theirs
Brené Brown's research on shame vs. guilt
How to start breaking generational patterns of shame without blaming the generations before you
Reason #6: It Can Lead to Long-Term Emotional Struggles — the difference between chronic yelling and an occasional one-off
The Gottmans' research on cortisol and childhood stress
The Wang and Kennedy findings: even teens in warm, loving homes showed increased depressive symptoms when yelled at frequently
The "two cars" analogy — yelling as a head-on collision vs. inviting your child into the car with you
A real coaching story about identifying the root cause behind a recurring yelling trigger
What's coming in Part 3: how to get out of dysregulation and build real cooperation, not just compliance
Resources & Links Mentioned:
💙 Free resource — The Calm Mom Toolkit https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/e4x8o5
🎧 Part 1 of this series — Episode 30: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/28-how-to-make-back-to-school-routines-last-beyond/id1879606964?i=1000786256734
🎧 Episode 29 — Rupture and Repair: How to Fix Parent-Child Conflict Before It Causes Lasting Damagetheparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/rupture-and-repair-in-parenting/
📚 Brené Brown's research on guilt vs. shamewww.brenebrown.com
📅 Book a free Parent Support Discovery Callwww.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
Loved this episode? Leave a quick review. It helps another overwhelmed parent find this podcast exactly when they need it. And subscribe so you don't miss Part 3!

In this episode, the first of a 3-part series, Adriane breaks down the first three of nine reasons why yelling doesn't work, backed by brain science, and gives you tools you can start using today.
In this episode:
The backyard-scream story, and how it turned into a physical health scare
Why 90% of parents report yelling at their kids, and why it feels effective in the moment
Reason #1: Yelling Is Unhelpful | it doesn't teach the skill your child is missing (impulse control, perspective-taking), and what the word "discipline" actually means
Why yelling teaches fear instead of the outcomes we actually want: good choices, resilience, frustration tolerance
The escalation cycle: how your tone signals "fight mode" to your child's nervous system, and why that can trigger fight, flight, or freeze
Why a child laughing in response to yelling isn't disrespect — it's a stress-coping response
Tool: The Pause + calming self-talk ("This is not an emergency. I am safe.")
Reason #2: It Models Unwanted Behavior | why kids are "little mirrors," plus a real story from Adriane's own car-ride-to-school morning
Tool: Validate the emotion, not the behavior
Reason #3: The Brain Doesn't Like It | neuroception, the stress response system, and why yelling shuts off your child's (and your own) thinking brain
Dr. Laura Markham's key insight: you cannot teach a child anything while they're in fight or flight
What's coming in Part 2: what yelling is really costing your relationship
Resources & Links Mentioned:
📖 Read the original blog post: 9 Eye-Opening Reasons Why You Should Stop Yelling at Kids: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/reasons-to-stop-yelling-at-kids/
🎧 Related — Episode 2: The Power of Pausing in Parenting: How to Stop Reacting and Start Respondingpodcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/2-the-power-of-pausing-in-parenting-how-to-stop/id1879606964?i=1000751732199
🎧 Related — Episode 29: Rupture and Repair: How to Fix Parent-Child Conflict Before It Causes Lasting Damagetheparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/rupture-and-repair-in-parenting/
🎧 On teaching through play — Episode 21: Why Your Kid Keeps Disobeying You And What Works Faster Than Timeoutstheparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/disobedientkid/
🎧 Episode 22: How to Be a Playful Parent When You're in Parental Burn Outtheparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/parentburnout/
🎧 Episode 23: 5 Playful Habits to Build a Stronger Bond With Your Kidstheparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/playfulparentinghabits/
🧠 Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist — Aha! Parentingahaparenting.comBook: Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham (Amazon affiliate link): https://amzn.to/4ieIW8l 
Programs mentioned:
P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program (covering Rupture, Reflection & Repair, and Optimizing Emotional Regulation)Book a chat: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat 
Loved this episode? Leave a quick review. It helps another overwhelmed parent find this podcast exactly when they need it. And subscribe so you don't miss Part 2!

Rupture and Repair: How to Fix Parent-Child Conflict Before It Causes Lasting Damage
Ruptures with our kids are inevitable, but repair is what makes the relationship stronger, not weaker. In this episode, Adriane revisits a blog post she wrote back in 2020 about a rupture with her son and breaks down the exact process for repairing conflict with your kids: acknowledging harm, taking responsibility, validating feelings, and making amends. She also shares a personal story about receiving an unexpected repair from her own dad, and why healing these patterns now can break the generational cycle for good.
In this episode:
Why ruptures are inevitable (and even healthy) in the parent-child relationship
The 4-part recipe for meaningful repair: acknowledge harm, take responsibility, validate feelings, make amends
What happens when ruptures go unrepaired — shame, feelings of inadequacy, a "victim mentality"
The Stop, Drop, Pray, Breathe method for calming down before repairing
A personal story about receiving repair from her own father, decades later
How this work shows up in the Purpose Parent Transformation Program and Purpose Learning Program
Read the original blog post:https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/parent-child-conflict/
Grab the free Emotion Coach printable (mentioned in the blog post above):https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/parent-child-conflict/
Stop the Fighting Toolkit (mentioned in this episode):https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/stop-the-fighting-toolkit
Purpose Parent Transformation Program — book a chat:https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
Purpose Learning Program for Kids:https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/the-purpose-learning-program-for-kids/
Episode 2: The Power of Pausing in Parenting: How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding:https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/2-the-power-of-pausing-in-parenting-how-to-stop/id1879606964?i=1000751732199
Books mentioned by Dr. Daniel Siegel (some co-authored with Tina Payne Bryson):
Parenting from the Inside Out: https://amzn.to/3UtuShp
The Whole-Brain Child: https://amzn.to/45YbKdS
No-Drama Discipline: https://amzn.to/4iasGFr
The Yes Brain: https://amzn.to/3SpF362
The Power of Showing Up: https://amzn.to/4h2DILJ
This post/episode contains affiliate links. If you purchase through these links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting the podcast!
Loved this episode?Leave a quick review. It helps another overwhelmed parent find this podcast when they need it most. And subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next!
Questions or thoughts on this episode? Email hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com

Back to School Routines That Actually Stick 
This August felt different. The first day of school was the least stressful one Adriane's ever had, and it wasn't luck. It's because the same routines her family has used for over a decade are finally just... baked in. In this episode, Adriane revisits her friend Emily McDermott's 5 must-have back-to-school routines (from a guest post Emily wrote for the blog last year) and shares what's actually kept these routines sticking well past week one for years, not just for the start of school.
In this episode:
The brain science on why routines matter so much for kids (and adults): cortisol, the amygdala, and executive function
Why the "witching hour" (after dinner to bedtime) tends to get less witchy as kids get older
Emily's tip for resetting the kitchen as a family every night and how it sets up a calmer morning
Checking kids' school schedules during the after-dinner routine so nothing gets missed (swim days, library books, PE gear)
Why nailing your evening routine matters even more than your morning routine
The 5-7 minute morning routine Adriane's autistic son runs without even needing the chart anymore
Emily's weekly planning routine (done on Saturday/Sunday) and how it takes the guesswork out of the week ahead
Which of these 5 routines Adriane's family still struggles with, even after years of practice
Resources & Links Mentioned:
Read Emily's original guest post: 5 MUST-HAVE Back-to-School Routines for Overwhelmed Moms
Grab Adriane's routine checklist (morning & evening, customizable): https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/m1s4n8
Life skills blog post + printable: what kids can do at different ages: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/teaching-new-skills/ 
Family meeting resources: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/u7e6v5
Emily McDermott's podcast: Moms Overcoming Overwhelm https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/moms-overcoming-overwhelm-decluttering-tips-declutter/id1645070363 
Emily's website: Simply by Emmy - https://simplebyemmy.com/ 
Jess Przulj's podcast: Habit Stacking Mom - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/habit-stacking-mom-routines-consistency-planning-overwhelm/id1761265290 
Book a Parent Support Discovery Call: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
If this episode helped, Adriane would love a quick review. It helps another overwhelmed parent find this podcast exactly when they need it.

Every single word you speak to your child is either building an identity that says "I am enough, I am worthy, I am loved, I am seen" or quietly teaching them that their worth is connected to what they do next. In this episode, we're talking about positive lunchbox notes for kids, the neuroscience behind affirmations, the real difference between self-esteem and self-love, and how back-to-school season gives you a built-in, easy way to start.
In this episode:
Why performance-based praise ("Great job!" "You're so smart!") can quietly backfire
The neuroscience behind affirmations: your child's brain can't tell the difference between what's real and what's imagined
Why academic stress, social comparison, and peer pressure are hitting kids harder and younger than ever
The difference between self-esteem and self-love (and why it matters for your child's long-term identity)
5 categories of lunchbox notes that build lasting confidence: Security & Belonging, Identity & Worth, Internal Strength, Growth & Learning, and Play & Fun
How I laminate my lunchbox notes so they last all year
Realistic ways to do this even on your busiest mornings
Resources mentioned:
📥 Grab your FREE 30 Positive Lunchbox Notes for Kids (+ bonus jokes): https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/d1h9r9
📖 Read the full blog post: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/positive-lunchbox-notes-for-kids/
🥪 Free printable lunch list (great for picky eaters): https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/pack-school-lunch/
💬 Book a free Parent Support Call: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
🎧 Related episode — 17 // Why Praise Doesn't Work to Motivate Kids (And What to Do Instead): https://theparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/praisingkids/
🧘 Kristin Neff's self-compassion & loving-kindness meditation: https://self-compassion.org/practices/self-compassion-loving-kindness-meditation/
Programs mentioned:
PURPOSE Parent Transformation Program (1:1): https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/
The PURPOSE Learning Program (communication & SEL): https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/communication-and-sel-program/
Books mentioned:
The Amazing Generation: Your Guide to Fun and Freedom in a Screen-Filled World by Jonathan Haidt & Catherine Price: https://amzn.to/4cx6MID
Self-Love for Kids: 100+ Activities to Help Your Child Develop Self-Love by Keri K. Powers: https://amzn.to/4igUwzy
Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté: https://amzn.to/4qkAKoQ
Supplies mentioned:
The laminator I use: https://amzn.to/4cvjuaN 
Laminating sheets I use: https://amzn.to/4gD8QBk 
Disclosure: Some of the links above are affiliate links. If you purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting the podcast!

School refusal is so often labeled defiance, manipulation, or laziness, but it's actually a child's nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do: keep them safe. In this episode, Adriane shares her own years-long journey through school refusal with her son, from the "perfect student" mask that cracked open at home, to the day he walked into a classroom and walked right back out yelling "anxiety sucks," to finally finding the environment where he could thrive. Along the way, she shares the tips, mindset shifts, and advocacy strategies she wishes she'd known back then.
In this episode:
Why school refusal is a nervous system response, not a choice
What a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile of autism looks like at home vs. at school
The moment everything came to a head and the two words her son yelled that changed everything
Why "you're just rescuing him" isn't the whole story
7 things that actually help: starting with the nervous system, getting curious before consequences, identifying the underlying need, choosing the right environment, choosing people who see the child, becoming a strong advocate, and staying consistent without force
Resources mentioned:
Prenda — microschool network Adriane worked with for four years; a great option to look into if your child has high anxiety or school refusal
Beyond Behaviors (This is an affiliate link) by Dr. Mona Delahooke — reframes behavior as "the tip of the iceberg," pointing to unmet needs underneath 
The Self-Driven Child (This is an affiliate link) by William Stixrud, PhD, and Ned Johnson — on kids' core developmental need for autonomy and agency
Seth Perler — executive function coach; a great resource on advocating for your child at school
Homeschooling While Working Full Time — Adriane's blog post on how she made it work
Connect with Adriane:
Have a question or story to share? Email hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com 
Purpose Parent Transformation Program: (https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/)
The new Purpose Learning Program: (https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/communication-and-sel-program/) 
Book a Parent Support Discovery Call: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
If this episode helped you, a quick review means the world!  It's how another overwhelmed parent finds this podcast right when they need it.

Your kid melts down, tells you no, or hits their sibling and has aggressive behaviors, and it's exhausting. There are two hidden problems behind almost every "big behavior": there's always something deeper going on under the iceberg. In this episode, Adriane reveals the two hidden reasons behind defiance, meltdowns, and hitting and why once you see it, you can't unsee it.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Why defiance, meltdowns, and hitting are three different masks for the same underlying reasons
The Iceberg Theory of behavior and why what you see is never the whole story
What's really happening in your child's brain (and why the prefrontal cortex isn't the villain here)
How to translate defiance, meltdowns, and hitting into what your child is actually communicating
One simple shift in the question you ask yourself that changes how you respond to almost everything
Mentioned in this episode:
Blog post: Kids Playing With Toy Guns - https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/kids-playing-with-toys-guns/
Blog post: The Ultimate Guide to Understanding Sensory Processing Systems - https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/sensory-processing-systems/
The sensory series:
Episode 13: The 8 Sensory Systems Every Parent Needs to Understand (Part 1/3): Tactile, Vestibular and Proprioceptive
Episode 14: The 8 Sensory Systems Every Parent Needs to Know (Part 2/3): Sound, Sight, Smell & Taste
Episode 15: The 8 Sensory Systems Every Parent Needs to Know (Part 3/3): The Sense No One Talks About
Free Workshop #3: How to Get Your Kids to Actually Listen Without Yelling, Repeating Yourself, or Losing Your Mind — August 24th @ 9:00am PT. Register here - https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/h6x2s0 
Learn more about the PURPOSE Parent Transformation Program
Loved this episode? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It helps another overwhelmed parent find this show.