26 // When Your Kid Refuses to Go To School (and Nothing You Try Works)

School refusal is so often labeled defiance, manipulation, or laziness, but it's actually a child's nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do: keep them safe. In this episode, Adriane shares her own years-long journey through school refusal with her son, from the "perfect student" mask that cracked open at home, to the day he walked into a classroom and walked right back out yelling "anxiety sucks," to finally finding the environment where he could thrive. Along the way, she shares the tips, mindset shifts, and advocacy strategies she wishes she'd known back then.

In this episode:

• Why school refusal is a nervous system response, not a choice
• What a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile of autism looks like at home vs. at school
• The moment everything came to a head and the two words her son yelled that changed everything
• Why "you're just rescuing him" isn't the whole story
• 7 things that actually help: starting with the nervous system, getting curious before consequences, identifying the underlying need, choosing the right environment, choosing people who see the child, becoming a strong advocate, and staying consistent without force

Resources mentioned:

• Prenda — microschool network Adriane worked with for four years; a great option to look into if your child has high anxiety or school refusal
• Beyond Behaviors (This is an affiliate link) by Dr. Mona Delahooke — reframes behavior as "the tip of the iceberg," pointing to unmet needs underneath 
• The Self-Driven Child (This is an affiliate link) by William Stixrud, PhD, and Ned Johnson — on kids' core developmental need for autonomy and agency
• Seth Perler — executive function coach; a great resource on advocating for your child at school
• Homeschooling While Working Full Time — Adriane's blog post on how she made it work

Connect with Adriane:

• Have a question or story to share? Email hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com 
• Purpose Parent Transformation Program: (https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/)
• The new Purpose Learning Program: (https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/communication-and-sel-program/) 
• Book a Parent Support Discovery Call: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

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