20 // 7 Simple Ways to Build a Strong Relationship With Your Kids

These 7 tools are about being intentional with the time you already have, not adding more to your plate.

#1: Play
Kids learn, process, and connect through play — and you don't have to love everything they love. The key is finding the overlap. What works for both of you? Lean into that. Even 10 minutes of genuine, engaged play sends a message that no lecture ever could.

#2: FOCUS Time — Quality One-On-One Time
FOCUS stands for Focus On Creating Uninterrupted Scheduled Time. One-on-one, non-tech, carved out just for them. This has been a secret weapon in Adriane's family for reducing sibling conflict and attention-seeking behaviors — because kids who feel known stop working so hard to be noticed.

#3: Hug — and Hold It
Family therapist Virginia Satir said we need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 for maintenance, and 12 for growth. Research shows a hug needs to be at least 20 seconds to have a real physiological impact on the nervous system. Don't skip it — even when they squirm.

#4: Bedtime Bonding
Bedtime is one of the most underrated connection opportunities in the day. Kids open up at night. The defenses come down. Five minutes of reading, storytelling, or snuggling — with no agenda — can be the most connecting thing that happens all day.

#5: Eat Dinner Together
Research on family dinners is clear: kids who eat regularly with their families build larger vocabularies, eat healthier, and have lower rates of anxiety, depression, and substance use. Family culture is built at the dinner table. It doesn't have to be elaborate — it just has to be consistent.

#6: Effort-Based Praise
"Good job" and "You're so smart" can actually reduce motivation over time. When kids are praised for ability, they avoid challenges to protect that identity. Effort-based praise — "I noticed how hard you worked on that" — builds resilience, growth mindset, and helps kids feel truly seen rather than just evaluated.

#7: Disconnect to Connect
Technology is quietly replacing the eye contact and attuned human connection that developing brains need most. Practical starting points: charge your phone in your bedroom instead of the kitchen, designate no-phone zones or hours in your home, and turn off sound notifications during family time.

The Big Picture
The relationship you are building right now is the one that lasts. It doesn't require perfection — it requires presence. Connection IS the discipline. Connection IS the foundation.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program
  https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/
• Stop the Fighting Toolkit
  https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/stop-the-fighting-toolkit
• Free 1:1 Quality Time Toolkit (60+ activity ideas)
  https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/q5w1d3
• Book a Free Call with Adriane
  www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
• Full Blog Post
  https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/parent-child-relationship

BOOKS MENTIONED

Disclosure: Some links below are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase — at no extra cost to you. I only share products I genuinely love and recommend.

Hold Onto Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté
https://amzn.to/3QBqnjk (affiliate link)

Books to Read Aloud With Your Kids:

Wild Robot series by Peter Brown
https://amzn.to/4asskp0 (affiliate link)

Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson
https://amzn.to/4p3THvE (affiliate link)

Skunk and Badger by Amy Timberlake & Jon Klassen
https://amzn.to/4gAhJMD (affiliate link)

The Very, Very, Far North by Dan Bar-el
https://amzn.to/4fcflKC (affiliate link)

CONNECT WITH ADRIANE

Website: raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a free call: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat