The Raising Kids with Purpose Podcast

9 // The Lie We've Been Told About Consequences (and Rewards)

This may challenge everything you believe about parenting: consequences do not teach.
The research (and so many people's personal experiences) have been this super clear. By the end of this episode, you'll understand why what you were taught isn't working and what to actually do instead.
We've been handed a lie: that kids need to feel bad to do better and that without punishment, there's no discipline. For decades, adults have falsely believed that consequences are how children learn. They learn the opposite of what they need to behave better. 
In this episode, we're talking about:
Why consequences don't actually teach, and what neuroscience says about why
The prefrontal cortex development truth that changes everything about how you see your child's behavior
Why a dysregulated brain literally cannot learn, no matter how logical the consequence is
Alfie Kohn's research on punishment and why short-term compliance is NOT the same as long-term learning
Why rewards aren't the answer either 
The "overjustification effect" and how well-meaning reward systems quietly kill your child's intrinsic motivation
What to do instead: practical, brain-based shifts you can start using right now
The one question that will change how you respond to every behavior from here on out
Your kid will learn far more through co-regulation, connection, and play. 
Books & Research Mentioned in This Episode:
Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn* — The research on why rewards and punishments both undermine the behavior change you actually want. 
Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn* — Moving away from control and toward connection
The Overjustification Effect — Lepper, Greene & Nisbett (1973) — The classic drawing study on intrinsic motivation and external rewards
*As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchasesRelated Resources: 
Setting Boundaries With Purpose Toolkit — Stop relying on punishments and rewards and start using boundaries that actually work WITH your child's brain. This toolkit gives you the framework and the scripts.
P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program — Ready to go deeper? This is where we address the root — your nervous system, your patterns, your wiring.
Ready to stop surviving and start thriving?
If this episode resonated and you're ready to go beyond behavior management and actually understand what's driving your child's actions, connect with Adriane using the links below. 
Connect with Adriane:
Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose
Website: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Email: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a parent support discovery call: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

8 // What To Do When You Feel Like You're A Failure In Parenting

"I'm a terrible mom or dad." "I'm failing my kids." "I keep losing it, and I don't know how to stop. I'm a failure." If you've ever said any of those things, out loud or just in your head, this episode is for you.
You are not alone. And feeling like you're failing doesn't mean you ARE failing. In this episode, we're getting honest about the shame spiral so many parents are stuck in and talking about what's really going on underneath it.
In this episode, we're talking about:
Why the guilt you're feeling is actually evidence that you CARE and that it means that you're feeling, not failing
The trap of "doing it right" and why chasing the perfect parenting standard is exhausting your nervous system
What's really happening in your body when you lose it (and why trying harder doesn't work)
The missing piece nobody talks about: how your OWN wiring as a parent (including undiagnosed neurodivergence) could be impacting your ability to regulate
How to break the trigger → react → shame → repeat cycle
Three practical things you can do right now to start shifting out of "I'm failing" mode
The cycle stops with you. The healing starts with you. And imperfect progress still counts.
Book Mentioned in This Episode:
Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy — A must-read on connection-based parenting and seeing the good inside your child (and yourself)
The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron, Ph.D
Rupture and Repair research
Resources & Links Mentioned:
P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program — Ready to do the deep work? This is where we go beyond strategies and address the root cause — your nervous system, your patterns, your wiring. This is how real change happens.
Setting Boundaries with Purpose Toolkit
Pausing - check out Episode 2 // The Power of Pausing in Parenting: How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding
Ready to stop surviving and start thriving?
If this episode resonated with you and you're ready to go deeper and understand your own nervous system, work through the patterns underneath the reactions, and become the regulated, connected parent you want to be, Adriane would love to chat!
Book a free discovery call with Adriane
Connect with Adriane:
Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose
Website: raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Email: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a parent support discovery call: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

7 // Creating Your Child's Safe Base Series: 7 Powerful Ways to Build a Strong Family Culture

A family’s culture is the invisible thread that holds a home together. If you are looking for practical ways to build your family culture intentionally, this episode is a must-listen!
Before listening to this episode, be sure to tune into Episode 1, 2, and 3 of the Building Your Family Foundation series, which are linked below. In the fourth and final episode of this series, we are diving into what a family culture is (and isn’t) and 7 ways to build a strong family culture. 
We’re chatting about simple ways to build your family’s culture, including: 
Defining your family values
Establishing meaningful family rituals & traditions
Prioritizing open communication & emotional safety
Spending intentional time together
And more!
Building a strong family culture is a journey and the fact that you're here, listening, doing the work — that IS the culture. You're already building it!
Other Episodes in This Series:
Episode 4 // How to Define Your Family Values
Episode 5 // 6 Ways to Make your Family Values Stick
Episode 6 // How to Make Your Kids Feel Seen and Heard
Links Mentioned in This Episode: 
Family Meeting Agenda
P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program
Setting Boundaries with Purpose Toolkit
Word of the Year Toolkit
Connect with Adriane:
Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose
Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Email: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

6 // Creating Your Child's Safe Base Series: How to Help Your Kids Feel Seen and Heard

If you are looking for real, practical ways to get your kids to listen while improving your overall family communication, this episode is for you!
Before listening to this episode, be sure to tune into Episode 1 and 2 of the Building Your Family Foundation series. In this third episode of the series, we’re talking about one simple tool that will connect your family, so that your kids are feeling heard and you are parenting without yelling. 
We’re chatting about how to create family meetings your kids will ACTUALLY want to attend, with 4 easy steps: 
Topics of discussion
Calendar or important events
Items of the week (words or skills to focus on, goals, etc.)
“Don’t forgets” (a time to show appreciation, give compliments, do a fun activity, or give allowance)
Family connection doesn’t just happen, it takes intention. Family meetings are a great way to give everyone in your family a voice, so that everyone feels seen, heard, and understood - and the result will be a more connected and peaceful family life. 
➡️ Don't miss the next episode in our series to learn about building a strong family culture!
Links Mentioned in This Episode: 
FREE Family Meeting Agenda
Family Values and Goal-Setting Toolkit
P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program
Blog Posts on Family Meetings: 
Simple Family Meeting Agenda Ideas
8 Tips for Having a Family Meeting
Connect with Adriane:
Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose
Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Email: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

5 //Creating Your Child's Safe Base Series: 6 Ways to Make Your Family Values Stick

Now that your family has a compass, let’s make those values something your kids can actually see, feel, and live out. 
Before listening to this episode, be sure to tune into Episode 1 of the Building Your Family Foundation series. In this second episode of the series, we’re talking about how to get your family values to stick, so they are not just on a poster on the wall but instead guide your family in hard and happy moments.
We’re chatting about the 6 ways to help your family values stick: 
Define and revisit your family values together often
Make your family values the language of your home
Connect your emotions to values
Model, model, model
Make your values part of your decisions (and say them out loud!)
Be consistent, not perfect
Having family values isn’t just something you talk about. To truly live out these principles, choose one of the strategies we talked about today and begin to embed them into your family culture.
➡️ Don't miss the next episode in our series to learn about how to make family meetings something your kids WANT to attend!
Links Mentioned in This Episode: 
Stop the Fighting Parenting Toolkit
Read the blog HERE
Connect with Adriane:
Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose
Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Email: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

4 // Creating Your Child's Safe Base Series: How to Define Your Family Values

If you want to parent with more clarity, confidence, and calm — your family needs a compass.
In Episode 1 of the Building Your Family Foundation series, we’re talking about how to define your family values so they guide your decision-making, create a sense of belonging in your family, and build a strong family culture.
We’re chatting about the 4 steps to defining your family's values: 
Choose the value categories that are most important to you
Reflect on the values your family is already living out
Narrow your list down to 5-8 core values with examples of how they practically look for your family
Write your values down and make them visible in your home
When you take the time to define what matters most to your family, you’re giving your children something invaluable: a compass to guide them through life’s biggest and smallest decisions.
You can be the change your family needs and it starts with your values.
➡️ Don't miss the next episode in our series to learn about the 6 practical ways to make your family values stick!
Links Mentioned in This Episode: 
Download your FREE Family Values List and Worksheet HERE
Kelly McGonagal - The Upside of Stress
Stop repeating yourself 100 times a day and get your kids to listen with the Setting Boundaries Toolkit
Connect with Adriane:
Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose
Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Email: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

3 // Are You Seeing Your Child, or a Problem to Solve?

If your child is having tantrums, talking back, refusing to listen, or acting “defiant”… what do you actually believe about them in that moment?
Do you believe they’re being manipulative? Strong-willed? Disrespectful?Or do you believe they’re struggling?
In this episode of Raising Kids With Purpose, Adriane unpacks the hidden parenting beliefs that shape how you respond to toddler tantrums, power struggles, and teen attitude — and why mindset matters more than any discipline strategy.
In this episode, we’re chatting about:• Where our beliefs about “difficult” or strong-willed children actually come from• Why behavior is never the whole story (especially in defiant child moments)• The difference between the problem lens and the curiosity lens• One simple question that reduces power struggles and builds connection
Above the surface, you see meltdown, refusal, backtalk, shutdown.Below the surface? Developmental limits, unmet needs, sensory overwhelm, lagging skills.
Same child, same moment, completely different outcome because of a mindset shift.
If you’re exhausted by constant power struggles or feel stuck in cycles with your strong-willed child, this episode will help you see what’s really happening and how to shift it.
✨ If this conversation encouraged you, subscribe and keep walking this journey with me.
Links Mentioned in this Episode: 
If you’re ready to dig deeper into the belief work underneath your parenting, you can book a Parent Support Discovery Call at raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat 
Beyond Behaviors by Dr. Mona Delahooke
PURPOSE Parent Transformation Program
Check out Conscious Stories, incredible books to read to your kids right before they fall asleep. Click here to get 10% off. *Affiliate link
Connect with Adriane:
Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose
Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Email: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

2 // The Power of Pausing in Parenting: How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding

If you’ve ever promised yourself you wouldn’t yell — and then yelled anyway — this episode is for you.
You know what to do. But in the moment, something takes over.
In this episode of Raising Kids With Purpose, Adriane explains what’s actually happening in your brain and body when you react and the neuroscience behind it.
When your child won’t put on their shoes and you’re already late, your nervous system detects threat. Your thinking brain goes offline. Fight-or-flight takes over. And then comes the guilt.
But there’s a way to interrupt the pattern.
In this episode, we’re chatting about:• Why your nervous system reacts before your logic can step in• What “the pause” really is (it’s more than counting to ten)• Three questions that shift you from control to connection• A simple 10-second “Name It to Tame It” tool you can use in real time
⭐ Weekly Challenge: Practice the pause just once this week. One trigger moment. One breath. One different response.
➡️ Subscribe and follow the show so you never miss an episode!
Links Mentioned in this Episode: 
Adriane's P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program
Parent Support Discovery Call: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
Connect with Adriane:
Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose
Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Email: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

1 // Welcome: Why YOU Come First

If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I stay calm with my child when I know what to do?” — this episode is for you.
You’re not broken. Your child isn’t broken.
But your nervous system may be stuck in survival mode.
In this first episode of Raising Kids With Purpose, Adriane shares how her early childhood experiences shaped her parenting — and the turning point that changed everything. After struggling with traditional discipline methods that didn’t work, she discovered the power of co-regulation, nervous system healing, and connection-based parenting.
In this episode, we're chatting about:
• Why parenting feels harder when you’re dysregulated• What co-regulation really means in everyday life• Why calm is contagious — and so is chaos
Adriane is sharing the science behind co-regulation and practical steps you can take to become a calmer, more regulated parent.
The cycle stops with you. The healing starts with you.
Links Mentioned in this Episode: 
The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel
 
Connect with Adriane:
Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose
Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Email: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
✨ We’re building something powerful here. Subscribe now so you don’t miss Episode 2 and the power of pausing in parenting!