The Raising Kids with Purpose Podcast

A lot of parents grew up without getting their emotional needs met. They may have grown up emotionally unsupported and left to work through hard feelings on their own, mostly because their parents, even if well-intentioned, had to work and were busy. Or they grew up in homes where feeling disappointed, sad, or mad simply wasn't allowed. And out of love, many parents are now overcorrecting. They're removing every uncomfortable moment from their child's life because watching their child struggle feels unbearable.
Here is the truth nobody is saying out loud: when we shield our kids from every hard moment, we are not protecting them. We are robbing them of one of the most important skills they will ever need: frustration tolerance. And tolerating frustration is needed to build resilience.
In this episode, Adriane shares a real story about wanting to rescue her son from disappointment, but she made a different choice. She illustrates a powerful example of what it looks like to stay present with your child in their hardest moments without fixing it for them.
Frustration tolerance is not something children are born with. It is a skill that must be practiced. Their brains are literally under construction, and their frontal lobe, the part responsible for regulating emotions and understanding cause and effect, are not fully developed until their mid-twenties. Our job as parents is not to remove the frustration. It is to be the scaffold while they learn to move through it.
This episode covers:
Why so many well-intentioned parents have swung the pendulum too far, and what it is costing their kids
What frustration tolerance actually is and why it is one of the most critical skills to build in early childhood
The pickleball court story and what it taught both Adriane and her son about resilience, repair, and trying again
How to recognize when you are managing your own discomfort instead of supporting your child through theirs
Three practical things you can do this week to start building frustration tolerance in your child
Resources and Links Mentioned:
How to Become Your Child’s Emotion Coach: Episode 12 -  https://theparentingwithpurposepodcast.podbean.com/e/emotioncoach/ 
Play with Purpose Parenting Class: This class is designed to help parents connect with their children through intentional, purposeful play while building the skills kids need to thrive. https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/play-with-purpose/
The P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program: Adriane's signature 7-step framework for parents who want to regulate themselves first so they can show up fully for their kids in the moments that matter most. https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/ 
Book a call with Adriane: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
 

This episode is about the 8th sensory system — interoception, and it’s the sense no one talks about. It's the one that connects your child's meltdowns, their anxiety, their inability to notice they're hungry until they're already falling apart, their emotional dysregulation, and so much more. And it's the one that, when I researched it, explained a lot about who I was as a child.
This episode closes out the 3-part series on the 8 Sensory Systems, and it's the one I'd hand to every parent, teacher, and caregiver who has ever looked at a child in a full meltdown and had absolutely no idea what triggered it.
In this episode:
What interoception actually is — the nervous system's process of sensing, interpreting, and integrating signals from inside the body, including heart rate, hunger, temperature, pain, and emotional states
What a large interoceptive cup looks like — deeply tuned in to hunger, fullness, bathroom needs, body temperature, and emotional shifts
What a small interoceptive cup looks like — missing hunger cues until complete breakdown, potty accidents, not noticing they are overheating, unable to identify where discomfort is coming from
The direct connection between interoception and emotional regulation — why children who can sense what is happening inside their bodies regulate better
The highly sensitive child who absorbs everyone else's energy and emotions — what is actually happening neurologically
A personal story about growing up with interoceptive hypersensitivity, being called a crybaby, and the shame that came with it
What to do — practical tools including body check-ins, body awareness language, predictable schedules, and validating your child's physical experiences
How all 8 cups interact with each other, and why a child can go from fine to completely dysregulated so quickly
The school angle — why children with unidentified sensory needs are frequently mislabeled as defiant, and how understanding this makes you a more powerful advocate in every school meeting
A note on microschools and co-ops as alternative environments worth exploring
The shift this series is meant to create:
No cup size is wrong. Your job is not to change your child's cup — it is to understand it. That understanding is what moves you from frustration to empathy, from confusion to confident advocacy. You stop being just the disciplinarian and start being the person who truly knows your child.
Resources mentioned:
Full blog post with all 8 systems: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/sensory-processing-systems
Free Sensory Profile Worksheet — fill it out for each of your kids: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/h9m3f5
Work with Adriane — coaching programs for parents who want personalized support, understanding and advocating for their child: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat 
Missed the earlier episodes in this series:
Episode 13 covers the foundation of sensory processing, the cup analogy, and the tactile, vestibular, and proprioceptive systems.
Episode 14 covers the auditory, visual, olfactory, and gustatory systems — including a complete reframe on picky eating and why noise-sensitive children are often the loudest ones in the room.
A note before you go:
Take the reflection question from this episode seriously — which cup surprised you the most, and which one finally explains something about your child that has been confusing you? Then download the free Sensory Profile Worksheet and fill it out for each of your kids. That one exercise will change the way you see their behavior, possibly forever.
Thank you for spending this series with me. Sharing this podcast with another parent who needs it is one of the most meaningful things you can do — for their family and for mine.

Why Your Kid Covers Their Ears, is Super Loud but Hates Loud Places & Won't Eat Certain Foods
Has your child ever covered their ears at their own birthday party — the very one they begged for? Or do you have a kid who will only eat plain pasta and you've spent years calling it picky eating? Or maybe you've walked into a store and your child immediately starts shutting down, and you can't figure out why?
None of that is behavior. None of it is defiance. And none of it has anything to do with how you're parenting.
In Part 2 of this 3-part series on the 8 Sensory Systems, we're covering the four senses most parents think they already understand — and completely reframing what's actually happening in your child's nervous system.
This episode is full of real stories from my own house, the science explained simply, and practical things you can start doing today.
In this episode:
The auditory sensory system — why your noise-sensitive child is also the loudest human in your house (the science behind this one is wild)
The visual sensory system — what's really happening when your child is overwhelmed by clutter, bright lights, or screens
The olfactory sensory system (smell) — why this sense has the most direct pathway to your child's emotional brain, and what that means for their behavior
The gustatory sensory system (taste) — the "picky eater" reframe that changes everything, and why pressure at mealtimes always backfires
Real stories from my boys, including why I couldn't take my toddler into a public restroom with self-flushing toilets
Why stress makes ALL of these systems harder to manage
A note for parents who are also neurodivergent — this episode might explain some things about YOU too
Resources mentioned:
Full blog post: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/sensory-processing-systems
Free Sensory Processing Profile — fill it out for everyone in your family: landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/h9m3f5
Picky eating resource I love: Feeding Littles (I have a friend who knows her personally — her approach is the real deal): instagram.com/feedinglittles
The Sensory Diet Book (affiliate link): amzn.to/4dibEB8
Want personalized support?
If you're listening to this series and thinking, "this is exactly my child", or "this is totally me", let's talk. I'd love to help you connect the dots and figure out what YOUR child specifically needs.
Find a time to chat: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
Missed Part 1?
Episode 13 covers the foundation — the cup analogy, sensory seeking vs. sensory avoidant, and the tactile, vestibular, and proprioceptive systems. Start there if you haven't already.
Up next — Part 3: We're covering interoception, the 8th sense almost no parent has heard of, and the one that connects everything — including your child's emotional regulation, meltdowns, and ability to read their own body. Don't skip this one.
If this episode helped you see your child differently, will you share it with another parent who needs to hear it? That's how we change the conversation — one family at a time. Thank you for being here.

Part 1/3: The 8 Sensory Systems Every Parent Needs to Understand
If you've ever googled "why is my child so difficult," this one's for you!
Because here's what I know: your child isn't difficult. Their brains are wired differently than you think. And once you understand how, everything changes the way you see their meltdowns, the way you respond to their big behaviors, and the way you show up as their advocate.
In this episode, I'm kicking off a brand new series on the 8 sensory processing systems. This is going to be one of those episodes you send to every parent you know.
Most of us grew up believing we have 5 senses. We actually have 8 sensory systems. And every single one of them plays a role in how your child behaves, regulates, learns, and connects.
Today, we're starting with the foundation: What sensory processing actually is, why your child's "cup" is uniquely theirs, and we're diving into the first three systems: touch, movement (vestibular), and body awareness (proprioceptive).
In this episode:
Why there are actually 8 sensory systems (not 5) and why this changes everything
The cup analogy and why no cup size is wrong, just different
Sensory seeking vs. sensory avoidant: what each looks like in real kids
The tactile system: why tags, light touch, and messy play are about more than preference
The vestibular system: what's really happening when your kid can't stop spinning (hint: it's not just because he or she is hyperactive)
The proprioceptive system: the "organizing" sense and why heavy work is magic for every child
Real stories from my own three boys, including Nolan's coloring pages in preschool and what co-regulation looked like in our hallway
Resources mentioned:
Full blog post: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/sensory-processing-systems
Free Sensory Profile Worksheet: fill this out for each of your kids: landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/h9m3f5
Instagram Reel mentioned in this episode: instagram.com/p/DJFoA7ZTMPU
Want to go deeper?
If you're ready to stop reacting and start understanding your child's unique wiring, that's exactly what we do inside my coaching programs. You'll learn to become your child's strongest advocate, in your home and in every room you walk into on their behalf.
👉www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat 
This is Part 1 of a 3-part series. Next week: We're covering the auditory, visual, smell, and taste systems, including why "picky eating" is NOT a behavior problem and why your kid covers their ears at their own birthday party.
If this episode resonated with you, will you take 30 seconds and leave a review? It helps other parents find this podcast, and that matters so much to me. Thank you for being here.

5 Steps to Become Your Child's Emotion Coach
The moment your child is at their most emotional is not a problem to solve. It is actually the most important opportunity you have with them. In this episode, Adriane walks through the five steps to becoming your child's emotion coach, explains why validating feelings is not the same as condoning behavior, and shares a story about a client who had never formally studied emotion coaching but was doing every single step beautifully without even realizing it. That story alone will give you so much hope.
This episode is the foundation for everything else in connected parenting. If you have ever felt like you are trying to correct behavior that just keeps coming back, this is where the real shift happens.
In This Episode You'll Hear:
Why your child's meltdown is not the enemy and what it actually is
The neuroscience behind naming emotions and how labeling a feeling measurably reduces its intensity in the brain
Why there are no "bad" emotions, only comfortable and uncomfortable ones, and what that reframe changes for your parenting
The five steps of emotion coaching and how to move through them in real time
Why Step 1 starts with YOU and your own emotional awareness before you can coach anyone else
How connection always comes before correction, and what happens to a child's brain when you lead with empathy first
The difference between validating feelings and permitting behavior, and why parents confuse these two things constantly
A real client story about a parent who was already doing this work naturally and what that looked like in action
Why kids who feel understood actually behave better, not worse
How emotion coaching builds the brain pathways your child needs for lifelong emotional intelligence and healthy relationships
 
Experts and Research Referenced:
Dr. Dan Siegel Psychiatrist, author, and clinical professor at UCLA School of Medicine. Adriane references two concepts from his work: "name it to tame it," the research showing that labeling an emotion activates the prefrontal cortex and reduces the intensity of the emotional response, and Mindsight, his framework for developing the capacity to understand your own mind and the minds of others. Learn more at drdansiegel.com
Dr. Gordon Neufeld Developmental psychologist and author of Hold On to Your Kids. Adriane references his principle of "collect before you connect before you correct," the idea that a child needs to feel attached and safe before any teaching or redirection can actually land. Learn more at neufeldinstitute.org
The Gottman Institute The emotion coaching framework taught in this episode is rooted in the research of Dr. John Gottman, whose studies found that a parent's ability to emotion-coach their child is one of the strongest predictors of that child's social, emotional, and academic outcomes. His research identified the five steps of emotion coaching that Adriane walks through in this episode. Learn more at gottman.com
Free Resource:
Free Emotion Coach Toolkit - https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/i1x5n9 A printable resource to help you put the five steps into practice right away, including emotion vocabulary tools, sentence starters for each step, and guidance for getting through hard moments without losing the connection.
Work With Adriane:
P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program For parents who are ready to go beyond listening and actually apply this work to their specific child, their specific triggers, and their specific family. The P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program is where the deeper work happens. Emotion coaching, co-regulation, connection rituals, boundaries, and repair are all woven throughout the program with personalized coaching support.https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/1-1-purpose-parent-program/ 
Setting Boundaries with Purpose Toolkit A companion resource for families working through how to hold limits with empathy and without power struggles. Pairs directly with the emotion coaching framework because boundaries land so much better when the connection is already there. https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/setting-boundaries-toolkit/ 
Book a Discovery Call If you want personalized support and a plan built around your family, book a discovery call with Adrianewww.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat 
Connect With Adriane:
🌐 Website: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com 📸 Instagram: www.instagram.com/raisingkidswithpurpose
If this episode resonated with you, share it with another parent who is in the thick of the hard moments and needs to hear that those moments are actually the doorway to connection. Leaving a review helps other parents find this show.

How Screen Time Isn't the Break You Think It Is
 
Have you ever handed your child an iPad to get five minutes of peace, eat out at a restaurant, shop without distraction, or get anything done?
Separately, you wonder why it's so hard to parent your kid because of the emotional reactivity, lack of sleep, big behaviors, and more.
You're not imagining it.
In this episode, I'm breaking down what the research actually says about screens and young, developing brains, why handheld devices are in a completely different category than watching a movie on TV, and what to do instead.
This one is for parents of young kids: toddlers, preschoolers, and early elementary. A future episode will cover older kids and cell phones specifically.
In This Episode You'll Hear:
Why the "break" the iPad gives you may be making behavior harder in the long run
What's actually happening in your child's brain during screen time and why the 0–5 window is so critical
The difference between quick dopamine and slow dopamine, and what it means for your child's ability to self-regulate
Why I disagree with the AAP guidelines and what I believe instead about handheld devices
The cognitive decline data from Dr. Jared Cooney Horvath's 2026 U.S. Senate testimony, and why it should make every parent pay attention
The socialization myth: why gaming "with a friend" isn't actually building real social skills
Two real families I worked with and how we broke the screen-behavior cycle
Practical first steps to start reducing screen time without going cold turkey
Mentioned in This Episode:
Free Screen Time Menu A curated list of alternatives to screens, sorted by category and energy level so you always have an answer to "but what do I DO instead?" 👉 https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/p1s3x2
Dr. Jared Cooney HorvathCognitive neuroscientist and author of The Digital Delusion, Dr. Horvath testified before the U.S. Senate Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation in January 2026. His research showed that Gen Z is the first generation in recorded history to score lower on standardized cognitive measures than the generation before them, with the decline tracking directly to the widespread introduction of screens in schools and daily life around 2010. His words: "Our kids are less cognitively capable than we were at their age." Learn more about his work at lmeglobal.com
Book a Parent Support Discovery Call
If you'd like personalized support building a plan for your specific child and family, I offer discovery calls where we can talk through what's happening and map out what might actually work. 👉 www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat
Research Referenced:
Hutton et al. (2022) — early screen time linked to reduced brain cortex thickness
Tamana et al. (2019) — preschool screen time linked to increased attention problems in later childhood
Fitzpatrick et al. (2024) — tablet use at 3.5 linked to increased anger/frustration at 4.5; self-reinforcing cycle
Radesky et al. (2023) & Konok et al. (2024) — using devices to calm dysregulated children prevents the development of self-regulation skills
Lin et al. (2022) — small portable screens as neurodevelopmental disruptors of sleep
Pempek (2014) — background TV reduces toddler vocabulary and caregiver-child conversation
Zhao (2018) & Chen (2019) — blue light from close-range screens, retinal damage, and melatonin disruption
Cris Rowan / Zone'in Research Fact Sheet — https://crisrowan.com/fact-sheet/ 
Connect With Adriane:
Website: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/raisingkidswithpurpose

Does your child tune you out, ignore your requests, not do their chores, or make good choices? Then they will sometimes respond when you raise your voice or threaten to take something away? And you're in constant power struggles? 
In Episode 10, we're talking about the one parenting tool that actually breaks the cycle: Collaborative & Proactive Solutions, developed by Dr. Ross Greene. This is the tool that stops recurring battles, builds real cooperation, and opens up your relationship with your child in ways you didn't expect.
What We Cover
Why threatening screen time works for about four minutes and keeps failing long-term
Plans A, B, and C; and why Plan B is the game-changer
The three steps of Plan B so you can start using it this week
What actually happens when parents first try this tool and why kids respond differently than expected
The cooperation that builds over time when CPS becomes your go-to
The Three Steps of Plan B
Empathy — Understand your child's concern first. What's hard for them?
Define the Problem — Share your concern too. Both perspectives on the table.
Invitation — Brainstorm a solution that is realistic and works for both of you.
Resources
Dr. Ross Greene — Lives in the Balance The home of Collaborative & Proactive Solutions, including free tools and resources for parents.
https://livesinthebalance.org/our-solution/
Free CPS Paperwork & Tools: https://livesinthebalance.org/cps-materials-paperwork/
The Explosive Child *Affiliate link
Raising Human Beings *Affiliate link
Think: Kids — Collaborative Problem Solving (MGH) A related but distinct evidence-based approach developed at Massachusetts General Hospital.
https://thinkkids.org/
Note Added After Recording
I briefly mentioned in the episode that there are two approaches that share very similar names. Here's the quick distinction:
Collaborative & Proactive Solutions — Dr. Ross Greene's original model, housed at Lives in the Balance
Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS/TK) — A related but distinct approach developed at Massachusetts General Hospital through the Think:Kids program, led by Dr. Stuart Ablon
Both are evidence-based and share the same core belief that kids need skills, not just consequences. In this episode, I focused on Dr. Greene's approach. For a full side-by-side comparison: https://livesinthebalance.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/cps-vs-cps_edit2.pdf
This Week's Action Step
Think of the one fight that keeps happening in your house. Don't try to solve it yet, just ask yourself: "What do I think is hard about this situation for my child?" That question is the beginning of Plan B.
Work With Me
Setting Boundaries with Purpose Toolkit: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.thrivecart.com/setting-boundaries-toolkit/ A practical resource to help you move from reactive to intentional. 
Purpose Parent Transformation Program Ready for personalized support? Book a discovery call to learn more. www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat 

This may challenge everything you believe about parenting: consequences do not teach.
The research (and so many people's personal experiences) have been this super clear. By the end of this episode, you'll understand why what you were taught isn't working and what to actually do instead.
We've been handed a lie: that kids need to feel bad to do better and that without punishment, there's no discipline. For decades, adults have falsely believed that consequences are how children learn. They learn the opposite of what they need to behave better. 
In this episode, we're talking about:
Why consequences don't actually teach, and what neuroscience says about why
The prefrontal cortex development truth that changes everything about how you see your child's behavior
Why a dysregulated brain literally cannot learn, no matter how logical the consequence is
Alfie Kohn's research on punishment and why short-term compliance is NOT the same as long-term learning
Why rewards aren't the answer either 
The "overjustification effect" and how well-meaning reward systems quietly kill your child's intrinsic motivation
What to do instead: practical, brain-based shifts you can start using right now
The one question that will change how you respond to every behavior from here on out
Your kid will learn far more through co-regulation, connection, and play. 
Books & Research Mentioned in This Episode:
Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn* — The research on why rewards and punishments both undermine the behavior change you actually want. 
Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn* — Moving away from control and toward connection
The Overjustification Effect — Lepper, Greene & Nisbett (1973) — The classic drawing study on intrinsic motivation and external rewards
*As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchasesRelated Resources: 
Setting Boundaries With Purpose Toolkit — Stop relying on punishments and rewards and start using boundaries that actually work WITH your child's brain. This toolkit gives you the framework and the scripts.
P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program — Ready to go deeper? This is where we address the root — your nervous system, your patterns, your wiring.
Ready to stop surviving and start thriving?
If this episode resonated and you're ready to go beyond behavior management and actually understand what's driving your child's actions, connect with Adriane using the links below. 
Connect with Adriane:
Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose
Website: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Email: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a parent support discovery call: www.raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

"I'm a terrible mom or dad." "I'm failing my kids." "I keep losing it, and I don't know how to stop. I'm a failure." If you've ever said any of those things, out loud or just in your head, this episode is for you.
You are not alone. And feeling like you're failing doesn't mean you ARE failing. In this episode, we're getting honest about the shame spiral so many parents are stuck in and talking about what's really going on underneath it.
In this episode, we're talking about:
Why the guilt you're feeling is actually evidence that you CARE and that it means that you're feeling, not failing
The trap of "doing it right" and why chasing the perfect parenting standard is exhausting your nervous system
What's really happening in your body when you lose it (and why trying harder doesn't work)
The missing piece nobody talks about: how your OWN wiring as a parent (including undiagnosed neurodivergence) could be impacting your ability to regulate
How to break the trigger → react → shame → repeat cycle
Three practical things you can do right now to start shifting out of "I'm failing" mode
The cycle stops with you. The healing starts with you. And imperfect progress still counts.
Book Mentioned in This Episode:
Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy — A must-read on connection-based parenting and seeing the good inside your child (and yourself)
The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron, Ph.D
Rupture and Repair research
Resources & Links Mentioned:
P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program — Ready to do the deep work? This is where we go beyond strategies and address the root cause — your nervous system, your patterns, your wiring. This is how real change happens.
Setting Boundaries with Purpose Toolkit
Pausing - check out Episode 2 // The Power of Pausing in Parenting: How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding
Ready to stop surviving and start thriving?
If this episode resonated with you and you're ready to go deeper and understand your own nervous system, work through the patterns underneath the reactions, and become the regulated, connected parent you want to be, Adriane would love to chat!
Book a free discovery call with Adriane
Connect with Adriane:
Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose
Website: raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Email: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a parent support discovery call: raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat

A family’s culture is the invisible thread that holds a home together. If you are looking for practical ways to build your family culture intentionally, this episode is a must-listen!
Before listening to this episode, be sure to tune into Episode 1, 2, and 3 of the Building Your Family Foundation series, which are linked below. In the fourth and final episode of this series, we are diving into what a family culture is (and isn’t) and 7 ways to build a strong family culture. 
We’re chatting about simple ways to build your family’s culture, including: 
Defining your family values
Establishing meaningful family rituals & traditions
Prioritizing open communication & emotional safety
Spending intentional time together
And more!
Building a strong family culture is a journey and the fact that you're here, listening, doing the work — that IS the culture. You're already building it!
Other Episodes in This Series:
Episode 4 // How to Define Your Family Values
Episode 5 // 6 Ways to Make your Family Values Stick
Episode 6 // How to Make Your Kids Feel Seen and Heard
Links Mentioned in This Episode: 
Family Meeting Agenda
P.U.R.P.O.S.E. Parent Transformation Program
Setting Boundaries with Purpose Toolkit
Word of the Year Toolkit
Connect with Adriane:
Instagram: @raisingkidswithpurpose
Website: https://raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Email: hello@raisingkidswithpurpose.com
Book a discovery call: http://raisingkidswithpurpose.com/chat